X-men

X-Men

Rating (from metacritic.com): 64/100

Storyline (from IMDB.com):
Two mutants come to a private academy for their kind whose resident superhero team must oppose a terrorist organization with similar powers.

Source: My personal collection

Review:

Ah, the X-Men. I have many a fond memory of watching the cartoon, getting up early on Saturday mornings just to see this show. I read the comics off and on, recently reading the Astonishing X-Men series. To say the X-Men are something I enjoy is like saying Texas is slightly large.
When I heard there was going to be an X-Men movie, I wasn’t sure what to think. I worried it was going to be terrible and would destroy my cherished memories. Thankfully, this movie wasn’t atrocious.

The movie opens with a voice over from Professor X (played by Patrick Stewart) explaining that mutations have occurred and that they drive evolution. The movie then jumps to Nazi-occupied Poland. This introduces Erik Lehnserr, better known as Magneto, one of the major villains of the X-Men franchise. It shows young Erik being separated from his parents, and his powers manifesting.
Things jump ahead to the ‘not so distant future’ where we meet another famous character, Rogue. The fans know what’s going to happen: she kisses the boy and puts him in a coma, when she absorbs his essence. She then runs away, ending up in Canada where she meets Everyone’s Favorite X-Man, Wolverine, AKA Logan, who is making money in a cage fight, taking a pounding. Because of his mutant healing factor, he ends up winning. Of course, he is attacked outside the ring by a disgruntled opponent and is forced to reveal his claws. Rogue stows away in his trailer and we get the usual ‘Wolverine gets a young female to be fatherly to’ bit. (I don’t know about anyone else, but as I’ve gotten older, I find that dynamic creepy.) The pair is then attacked by Sabertooth and rescued by Cyclops and Storm. They’re then taken to the Xaiver Mansion, and Logan is introduced to his never to be requited love, Jean Grey. He talks with Professor Xaiver, and ends up sticking around.

The bad guys aren’t just sitting on their hands, however. Magneto isn’t happy with Sabertooth’s failure and starts putting around plan into motion. This one revolves around Senator Kelly, another of the X-Men’s major villains. Senator Kelly is presented as a conservative member of Congress with a very large bone to pick. There’s no explanation as to why he hates or fears mutants so much, which is kind of a shame. I would have enjoyed that, but it just wasn’t to be. When he’s captured by the Brotherhood, we do get to see Mystique change in the ever sexy Rebecca Romijn (then Rebecca Romijn-Stamos). Kelly is brought to Magneto’s secluded island hideaway and is exposed to some weird device created by Magneto. Turns out the device has made Senator Kelly into a mutant (some kind of jellyfish, which shows just how much of a backbone politicians have), and flees.
While the X-Men try to figure out why Magneto was after Wolverine and Rogue starts trying to be a teenager, Senator Kelly shows up at Xavier's doorstep and dies a short time later. Rogue is tricked into leaving the Xaiver Mansion, and the X-Men are attacked by the Brotherhood when they go to bring her back. You see, Magneto didn’t want Wolverine, he wanted Rogue. The writers were very good about never saying who Magneto wanted. They didn’t even use a gender specific pronoun.
It ends up that Magneto is planning to mutate UN delegates at Elis Island and doesn’t know that doing it will kill them a short time later. The X-Men move in to stop him and save Rogue. Several awesome fights ensue. This being a comic book movie, the heroes win and save the day. The villains are caught, and we all feel warm and fuzzy inside.

I will say this: the movie didn’t trigger my inner fanboy. I’ve been able to enjoy this movie every time I’ve seen it. Okay, not as much after the third movie, but I’ll be tearing that one apart later. They picked a plot I hadn’t seen before, focused on core characters and relationships, and did a good job of presenting the powers of the heroes. The cast was well picked and did a fair job of representing the characters. There wasn't much to hate about this movie. Sure, Wolverine gets most of the screen time, but he is the biggest draw of any X-Men character (which sadly led to the travesty that was the Wolverine: Origins movie). Cyclops was his normal jerk self, Storm and Jean Grey didn’t get fleshed out very much, but most of the female characters in the X-Men exist only to be pursued by their male counterparts, so no surprises there. I think the casting of Magneto and Professor Xaiver was the best of all of them. Both actors fit their roles like a glove.

I know I’m giving this movie a lot of slack, but I don’t expect much from comic movies. I want a movie that’s fun to watch. The special effects were the make-it-or-break-it part of this movie. If they hadn’t have been as good as they were, it might have ended this film series. Even 11 years later, it still holds up pretty well.

Final Thoughts: A good comic movie. Could have used an extra 30 minutes for additional character development.

It was a GOOD- movie.

Coming Soon: X-2: X-Men United

Updates, questions and requests.

Hello everyone!

This is the ‘informational’ entry I promised a while ago. I have some announcements, questions and requests for you guys.

First off, the announcements-

I’ll be starting some new articles soon, probably near the end of the year, that aren’t really about movies. I know, this is a movie review blog, but I feel the need to share some of the things I’m also interested in. Now, these won’t be real reviews, mostly just discussions on other things I enjoy. These won’t be on a regular schedule like my reviews, I should be putting out one, maybe two, of these a month. Without further adieu, here are the new articles:

TV I can’t stop watching – A list of TV shows, old and new, that I’ve enjoyed watching. I’m writing this because I think there are some shows people may have missed out on that they should take a look at.

I still watch cartoons – This is will be animated shows that I enjoy. I was going to put it with the above, but since there’s quite a bit of animated television I enjoy, I thought it should have a it’s own space. This will include normal ‘cartoons,’ Adult Swim shows and maybe the occasional Anime.

Rent this – Very short reviews of DVDs I’ve watched, but don’t feel deserve a full review. I should have 3-4 reviews each entry. This comes from the segments they’ve been doing on the new Ebert show.

Monthly Themes – Now, this isn’t a new type of entry, but I was thinking of having a theme for each month’s reviews. They would be very general, like ‘Werewolf movies’ and ‘Pulp movies.’ Every other month would have a theme, and you all would have a chance to vote on the theme the month before.

Questions for the readers-

Are you enjoying the reviews?
(So far, I’ve received few comments about my reviews)

Do you have any suggestions for improvement?
(Always looking to improve the read)

Should I add more pictures in the entries?
(Finding pictures that I can use isn’t as easy as you’d think, but I’m willing to try if it will improve the experience)

Should I add additional labels?
(I’m thinking of putting genre labels on entries, but I’m not sure if it’s a good idea)

Requests-

Tell people about this blog. If you’re enjoying it, spread the word.

Suggest some movies to review. I’ve been picking movies at random, but I’m willing to give any movie a chance.

If you have any advice on how I should advertise this blog, feel free to chime in.

Oh, and as much as I like the cartoony Godzilla, I kind of want a replacement. If you have some ideas, let me know.

Thanks for reading, and hope you enjoy what I’ve been doing.

Until next time.

Lost in Translation

Lost In Translation

Rating (from metacritic.com): 89/100

Storyline (from IMDB.com):
A movie star with a sense of emptiness and a neglected newlywed meet up as strangers in Tokyo and form an unlikely bond.

Source: My personal collection

Review:

This movie is one of my favorites. I saw in theaters with my mother when it came out, then bought it on DVD. I also own the soundtrack ,which I’m listening to while writing this review.
Unlike with most movies, trying to write a plot summary for this one is difficult. It's not something you can easily put into words, but I'll give it a try.
The basic plot is the meeting of the two major characters, an actor named Bob (played by Bill Murray) and young and lovely Charlotte (played by Scarlett Johansson), who are both staying in a hotel in Tokyo. Bob is doing a series of profitable commercials and ads for Suntory Whiskey, while Charlotte is with her photographer husband. They meet in the hotel bar and start a deep friendship. Bob is having a mid-life crisis. He hasn’t made a film in a while and is in Japan for the profit involved in making foreign commercials. From what we can glean from his long-distance phone calls home, there's trouble with his wife and home life.

Meanwhile, Charlotte, a recent graduate of Yale with the ever-useful degree in philosophy, is trying to find her role in life. Her husband, consumed by his work, expects his wife to explore the city by herself. She wanders around Tokyo, taking a brief trip by bullet train to Kyoto to see the sights. Her journeys reflect her life: in motion but directionless. (Moving forward but going nowhere.)
After meeting her in the hotel bar, Bob starts to accompany Charlotte on her meandering trips, and we see a relationship form. She shows him the youthful side of Tokyo, visiting trendy bars, friends' homes, and even a strip club. They talk and laugh, discuss their lives, and learn from each other.
Then, after a depressing talk with his wife, Bob ends up sleeping with the lounge singer from the bar and is discovered by Charlotte. This upsets her and she ends their companionship. Just before the end of the film, they reconcile. In the last scene, they hug as they are about to go their separate ways, and Bob whispers in her ear. As for what Bob says to Charlotte at the end of the film, your guess is as good as mine. I think he either tells her to stick it out with her husband, or to call him when they get back to the States, but I don't think we were meant to know.

I’m sorry that my words can’t express this film properly. It’s a work of art. In fact, it was this film that really showed me that film can be art, without a purpose besides simply being art. It uses visuals and the soundtrack to full effect, where the goal isn’t to listen to the characters talk, but to let you enjoy the experience. This also means you need to pay close attention to what is and isn’t said. The actors don’t explain everything, they just show it.
One of the things that makes doing this review hard is the way the movie laid out. We have a bunch of disjointed scenes, without dialogue and where one character (mostly Charlotte) is alone, not interacting with anyone. It’s up to you, the viewer, to add or find the context of the scene. If I tell you about how Charlotte looks out her window at the sun rising over Tokyo, it doesn’t seem that important in words, but when you see it, you know what she’s thinking. I also feel that it's important to leave my impressions out when talking about this film. It's up to you to use your experience to find out what's going on.

The actors seem to have been born for their roles. In fact, there are a few scenes that you feel like you aren’t watching their characters, but the actors themselves. For example, there’s a brief scene where Bob goes golfing (with a perfectly framed Mt. Fuji in the background). When I was watching this for the review, I felt like I was just watching Bill Murray golfing, not the character. There are plenty of scenes like this, where character and actor cease to have meaning and you’re just watching people be people.
Another example is the scene in the Karaoke club when they start singing. You can’t tell me that Bill Murray wasn’t enjoying singing those songs and channeling the lounge lizard from SNL.
There’s a great moment where Bob is sitting in a hospital waiting room and starts talking with an older Japanese man sitting next to him. From what I can figure out, the man is trying to explain that’s he’s from the Northern part of Japan, using hand gestures and sound effects. Bob doesn’t seem to speak a word of the language, and is just mimicking the sound effect. If you look in the background, there are two middle age Japanese women listening and trying not to laugh too hard. It’s a classic moment in this film.

There are also hints about the relationship troubles in both Bob’s and Charlotte’s marriages. If you notice, neither one of them say ‘I love you’ or ‘I love you, too,' when talking to their respective spouses. In a poignant moment, Bob says it after his wife has hung up. Charlotte’s husband says it once, before he leaves for the week, and she doesn’t say it back. This should be sending up red flags, ringing warning bells and firing off flares about the status of the relationships. I know from experience that it’s always the little things that matter.

As a personal aside, I love how the film shows the Japanese culture, especially the contrast in the amount of space each country utilizes. When Bill Murray is in the hotel, the showerhead only comes up to his chest; he's the tallest person in the crowd by at least a foot; and there's a complaint from Charlotte about him being ‘too big.’ If you’re not over six feet tall, you might not think about it, but, if you are a big person, you know how you stand out. I was waiting for him to hit his head on something, or stoop through doors, but I guess that would have been overdoing it.

There are a few things that don’t go so well. One is the scene where the hooker shows up at Bob’s hotel room and wants him to rip her stockings. It just didn’t seem to fit well with the rest of the film and was excruciatingly awkward to sit through. Then again, that might have been because I was sitting next to my mother the first time I saw it. (It also made the strip club scene very hard to watch as well.) I also wasn’t sure if the character really was a hooker, as implied, or if she was looking to get some cash from him by filing rape or sexual harassment charges.

Then there's the American bimbo who seems to know Charlotte’s husband and seems to exist just to bug the hell out of everyone, including the audience. She detracts from the movie as a whole. However, she does provide a counterpoint to Charlotte's reticence and gives us the idea that her husband doesn't know what might be slipping through his fingers.

When I was looking up the stuff for this movie, I saw a review that simply said “I didn’t get this movie. Is there something wrong with me?” Yes, yes there is. This movie isn’t that hard to ‘get.’ It’s completely open to interpretation and requires close attention, an eye for detail, and some life experience. I’ve seen this movie a few times since I first saw it, and I always find another angle I missed when I saw it the last time. If you’ve only seen this movie once, watch it again. If you haven’t seen it before, watch it and keep your eyes and heart open.

I have to admit, I had a big crush on Scarlett Johansson after watching this movie. She seems so real in this and is also a very attractive lady. Besides, how can you not like this movie, or her, when she spends a fair amount of time in her underwear?

(Did I mention I was sitting next to my mother when I saw this movie for the first time? Hard to enjoy some of it, I have to say, but thanks for taking me to see it, Mom.)

Final Thoughts: How can you not like this movie? It starts with a view of Scarlett Johansson in her underwear.

It is a GOOD movie.

Coming Soon: X-Men

Horrors of War

Happy Halloween, everyone! Here's the first Halloween review ever, let's hope we have another next year!

Horrors of War

Rating (from metacritic.com): N/A (3.4/10 from IMDB

Storyline (from IMDB.com):
FILM SYNOPSIS: 'Feeling the pressure from Allied advance, Hitler unleashes his secret weapons giving rise to a type of warfare the world has never seen. Throughout the European theater of WWII, Lieutenant John Schmidt comes face to face with these "weapons." The Office of Strategic Services (O.S.S., precursor to the C.I.A.) initiates missions behind enemy lines to find the source of the weapons terrorizing U.S. soldiers fighting the Third Reich. Schmidt is joined by Captain Joe Russo and his group of war-hardened GIs who have experienced for themselves the all-too-real horrors of war in battle. Together, they must find and destroy Hitler's horde of nightmare weapons before his horrific vision can be fully realized.' Written by Philip R. Garrett

Source: My personal collection (sadly)

Review:

I own this movie and I’ve never been about to sit through the whole thing. I usually get bored about 20 minutes in, and find something more interesting to watch, like drying paint. But, because I foolishly let people vote, I now have to sit through the whole thing.

I will find where you sleep and poop on your face in the night, you dirty bastards.

Set in late 1944, or mid 1945, this movie is about a unit (or units) of American GIs that first stumble across, then are later set out to destroy, Nazi super-soldiers. Yep, that’s the plot. Unlike ‘SS Doomtrooper’ produced by the Sci-Fi channel, this movie avoided everything that could have made it fun. I can’t really get too much into the plot, because it confused the hell out of me.

The movie starts with an under-strength infantry squad taking out a machinegun emplacement (in a manner that would make a seasoned ground pounder weep in frustration), then running into a zombie. They hit it in the head once, making its helmet pop off, then pop it in the brainpan again. This starts many mistakes that could have been resolved by talking to a real infantry veteran of the era. Helmets aren’t designed to stop bullets, they’re there to stop shrapnel and ricochets. For a great example, watch Band of Brothers.

Then, we jump back six months, and follow a shitty version of the Dirty Dozen get dropped behind enemy lines… In occupied France. Because the writers lost me, I can’t tell if this is suppose to be March 1945, which was when Allied forces were entering Germany. But, if it was September 1944, it would make this work. Who gives a crap? Not the directors, that's for sure.
This group of criminals ends up stumbling across a werewolf (not a zombie) and getting killed. The group is lead by an asshole of a captain, who reminded me of military men portrayed in Vietnam movies, who gets torn to bits. The whole goal of this sequence is to have one of this team end up bitten by the werewolf, so he can be used later. That’s it. It’s about a third of the movie that could have been summed up in a 5 minute flashback.

Back to the present time, we meet another captain, and are then subjected to another overly long flashback, which was suppose to take place right after D-Day, but because the writers were incapable of communicating the most basic of information, we’re guessing again. This group of soldiers - this time numbering near a dozen, encounters a zombie. Woop-di-fucking-doo.
The flashback ends, and another under strength squad is sent to infiltrate behind enemy lines… This is all supposed to be done by the OSS, but it’s so terribly planned, I can’t believe anything about these missions.

Fine, let’s get to the end of this piece of shit. The team finds the evil Nazi lab, another zombie, and the evil scientist that’s been doing all this. Of course, the scientist isn’t all that evil, but he gets infected with this serum, and turns into a zombie thing. During this, the GI who was bitten by a werewolf changes, and gets killed by the zombie in a heavy foreshadowed way. The leader of the mission injects himself with the serum and becomes a zombie too, and punches a hole in the other zombie. He then begs his own men to kill him.
The End.

God damn, this movie sucked. The worst part was that it had so much potential. The script was bad, but it just needed a bit of editing. The directing wasn’t terrible, and neither was the acting, it just wasn’t that good either. I knew what the writers/directors were trying to do, they just couldn’t do it. Either they didn’t have the skill, the time or the budget to really do what they wanted, and just ran with it anyway.
There’s so much about this movie that they could have just dropped, or shortened, and it would have made a much better movie. At one point, a squad of soldiers ends up running through a graveyard. Somehow, they missed several enemy soldiers, a tank and an artillery piece. How does this happen? Then, they run into the forest and the enemy is unable to locate them. I’m sorry, but this is like throwing a rock to distract a Beholder. I just don’t know how the people who are responsible for this movie didn’t even talk to someone who’s been near a battlefield. Or even play a first person shooter video game, for god’s sake!
To add to this, there’s a scene I think is suppose to be taking place during the Normandy Beach landings, but due to the poor production value, I couldn’t be sure. I do know that Ohio looks nothing like Normandy, or does a dry riverbed look like the seashore.

A while ago, a company called Pinnacle Entertainment Group made a role-playing game called Weird War II. It has zombies, werewolves, magic and all that, set during the war. I think I was the only person who bought this game, and it felt like the writers may have read the covers in a game store. I wanted to like this movie, I really, really did.

Because of this movie, I want nothing to do with Ohio. I will never visit the state, and I will start working on a list of jokes about Ohio. Fuck Ohio. If this is the best movie the state can produce, I think we should let Indiana take them over.



Final Thoughts: Horrors of War? More like Horrors of Cinema…

It was a UGLY movie.

Coming Soon: Lost In Translation

(Also, don't forget to vote for the 20th review. And, expect an informative entry soon.)

Saved!

Saved!

Rating (from metacritic.com): 62/100

Storyline (from IMDB.com):
When a girl attending a Christian high school becomes pregnant, she finds herself ostracized and demonized, as all of her former friends turn on her.

Source: My personal collection

Review:

It’s finally happened. I thought it wouldn’t have happened so soon, but it just couldn’t be avoided.

I finally have a movie I can’t find fault with.

But, don’t worry; the next review will be a terrible movie.

Let’s get rolling, shall we? I loved this movie so much because it’s not hateful, it handles a touchy subject tastefully, and it leaves you in a better place than it found you.

Saved takes place in a fictional Christian high school outside of Baltimore. We first meet Mary, whose father passed away when she was young, and has accepted Jesus Christ as her personal savior for most of her life. She lives a perfect little suburban Christian life, with her perfect little Christian boyfriend and attends the perfect little Christian school, with all of her perfect little Christian friends. See, she has the perfect life.

But, life isn’t actually perfect, no matter what anyone tells you. After Mary learns that her boyfriend may be gay, and hitting her head, she receives a ‘vision’ of Jesus. She believes he wants her to have sex with her boyfriend, to save him from the ‘evils’ of homosexuality. What he actually says is something a bit different, like most things people say God says. When see comes to, she begins work on ‘de-gaying’ her boyfriend. They kiss, fondle and eventually go ‘all the way.’ (I have to say, the writers and directors really captured just how awkward the first time a boy touches a girl’s boobies.) But, before Mary has sex with her boyfriend, she talks with her best friend, Hillary Faye (played by Mandy Moore), about virginity, while at a gun range. Hillary Faye says that God/Jesus can restore your ‘spiritual’ virginity, then starts shooting a gun. Because good Christian girls defend their virginity with deadly force. No, seriously. “I’m saving myself for marriage. And I’ll use force if necessary.”

A few weeks after having sex, school starts and Mary joins her friends in the car pool, where we meet Macaualay Culkin’s fantastic character, Roland. This is a terrible, terrible pun as his character is a paraplegic and in a wheelchair. The group arrives at Mary’s boyfriend’s house and she is total that he’s been sent off to Mercy House, the place where Christian parents go send their failures in parenting, because his father found gay porn in his room. Crushed by this news, Mary tries to make her way through school. She also meets Patrick, the principal’s son, and wonders if she did the right thing in giving her boyfriend her virginity. We also meet Cassandra, the lone Jewish girl in this Perfect Christian school, and by the end of the first day, we see the beginnings of romance between Cassandra and Roland.

Time passes, and Mary discovers she might be pregnant. Rather than buy a test, she steals it, for fear of anyone discovering her secret and ‘shame.’ The results are positive, and she goes to Planned Parenthood to confirm the test results, when she’s spotted by Cassandra and Roland, and the following dialogue is exchanged:
“There’s only one reason good Christian girls go to the Planned Parenthood…”
“She’s planting a pipe-bomb?!?”
“Okay, two reasons.”
After having to come to terms with the fact that she is with child, Mary ends up visiting Hillary Faye’s house, where she’s hosting a prayer circle to ‘cure’ Mary’s (now former) boyfriend of his ‘curse’ of homosexuality. With her world crumbling, Mary lashes out at Hillary Faye, who kicks her out of the Christian Jewels and out of her house. This allows hanger-on Tia (played by Heather Matarazzo, who always seems to play this type of girl) to join the Christian Jewels.

As the year progresses, Mary begins to question her faith and begins to look at her life, and the things in it, with different eyes. When Halloween comes, she is totally separated from the Jewels and Hillary Faye, but has no one is there to fill the void in her life. It becomes obvious that Patrick wants to be her friend (and more), but Mary pushes him away. Her former friends are asked by Pastor Skip to ‘help’ her, which results in a drive-up exorcism, where Hillary Faye throws a bible at Mary while stating she is ‘filled with Christ’s love.’ Mary points out that the book isn’t a weapon and walks away. To cap off this terrible day, she talks with her boyfriend, and finds herself unable to tell him of his impending fatherhood. While it isn’t stated, I believe that she realizes that he’s really gay, and she needs to move on.
After Halloween, Mary is able to hide her pregnancy because no one at the school, except for maybe the teachers, have any idea what a pregnant girl would look like, and even the teachers would have trouble believing one of their students had had sex, much less gotten with child. Eventually, Cassandra figures things out, and confronts Mary. Mary denies it, but Cassandra tricks her into admitting it. Instead of mocking her, as we have been lead to expect, Cassandra comforts Mary, and soon they become true friends, along with Roland.

Soon prom, and the baby’s due date, approaches; Mary, Cassandra and Roland come to find themselves at odds with Hillary Faye. In addition to this, Mary’s mother and Pastor Skip realize they’re in love with each other, but Pastor Skip is married, unable to get a divorce because ‘God doesn’t like them’ or something. Roland posts a pre-plastic surgery picture of Hillary Faye all over the school, resulting in an escalation between her and Cassandra. This culminates in Hillary Faye spray painting all kinds of hateful things all over the school, then planting the evidence on Cassandra and Mary, which leads to Mary’s secret being accidentally revealed to Pastor Skip and the whole school. After this bomb lands in her mother’s and Pastor Skip’s lap, he believes that Mary’s pregnancy is punishment from God for their sinful ways, and says that only if Mary is sent to Mercy House, will he continue to see her. He then expels Cassandra and Mary for defacing the school, even though all he has is some spray paint cans…

When prom night comes, Mary is getting ready to go to Mercy House. However, Cassandra and Roland have other plans for her. They get her to sneak out of her house and join them in town. There they reveal that they have evidence that proves Hillary Faye bought the paint, and they plan on attending the prom. They also have Patrick arrive in a limo, and Mary agrees to go to prom with him.
After they arrive, they are spotted by Hillary Faye, who calls them out publicly. Pastor Skip decides to let them stay, but Hillary Faye can’t let it go. Roland produces a credit card bill showing the sale of the spray paint. He is thwarted, as Hillary Faye points out that he had stolen this card and was using it. Hillary Faye is then forced to swear to God she didn’t graffiti the school. When she does, she’s caught by Tia, who discovered a receipt for the spray paint in Hillary Faye’s van, and is not only humiliated for defacing the school and framing someone else, but she also lied and swore a false oath.
She flees the prom, and runs into Mary’s ex-boyfriend, his boyfriend, and others from Mercy House. Mary and the others follow her, running into them, and the ex-boyfriend discovers he’s going to be a father. There’s then quite a bit of powerful dialogue, where we must wonder: is everything in the bible the way it’s suppose to be? Do we let ourselves judge others for what they are, not who they are?
Of course, Hillary Faye is still running around out there, and starts driving like a woman possessed. In her very screwed up state, she decides to take down the huge Jesus she had put up over the summer, and charges it in her van. At the last second, she changes her mind and clips it, while trying to avoid it. Cassandra tells her that was awesome, and Roland comes the aid of his older sister.

It wouldn’t be an ending if the baby wasn’t born, would it? Mary goes into labor, and her mother, realizing that her daughter and her happiness is all that should be important to her, arrives to ride with her to the hospital. Mary gives birth to a healthy baby girl, and is surrounded by the people who truly care about her: Her mother, her friends; Cassandra and Roland, her baby’s father and his boyfriend and her boyfriend, Patrick.

So, let’s talk a bit about this movie. This movie isn’t anti-Christian. No, really, it’s not. It’s anti-hypocrisy. It’s about how even if you believe in something, the important thing is people and how you treat them. I could go on and on about how his movie could help Christian explain their views, but it would fall on deaf ears. If you want a movie that mocks Christianity, this is the movie you will see. If you want a movie that belittles the Evangelical Christian way of life, that is the movie you will see. If you’re willing to view this movie as a heart-felt, subtle, and caring movie, you’ve gotten the movie the writer and director wanted to make.

At the very core of this movie is redemption and forgiveness. It shows that people are people, and that means they are imperfect. Even Hillary Faye is only trying to do what she feels is right for the outcasts, and the school when she gets them kicked out. But, she’s only human, just like you and me.

I can not urge you enough to see this movie. It is a fantastic piece and you will enjoy it, maybe for the comedy, or maybe for the deeper topics. It’s up to you how you want to enjoy this movie, but I can almost guarantee that you will enjoy it. It’s well directed, superbly cast and acted, and is extremely well written. Watch this movie and tell me it wasn’t good or that you didn’t enjoy yourself. I dare you.


Final Thoughts: What would Jesus do? Laugh his ass off and enjoy this movie.

It was a GOOD+ movie.

Coming Soon: Horrors of War

Krull

Krull

Rating (from metacritic.com): N/A (IMBD: 5.8/10)

Storyline (from IMDB.com):
A prince with a fellowship of companions sets out to rescue his bride from a fortress of alien invaders who have arrived on their home planet.

Source: My personal collection

Review:
Krull is the product of the late 70’s/early 80’s fantasy movie craze that swept Hollywood. It could be that people were inspired by the unlikely success of the Star Wars franchise, or it could have been just one of those things. In the era of Conan, Legend, and the Princess Bride, Krull was different. First off, it had a dash of Sci-Fi, with ‘laser lances’ and an evil enemy from the stars. It also had a well-drafted background, which made sense, as well as the sense of a living world. Unlike many other fantasy movies, the writer didn’t feel the need to over-explain every little detail of that world. Things simply were, and you didn’t need a narrator to explain a name like ‘Terrible Slaughter Valley of Damnation.' Not to say the writer took shortcuts to reduce dialogue; it just didn’t need to be explained.

Krull starts with a massive space ship traveling the void towards a planet. The music kind of ruins the feeling, as the composer hadn’t left Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan behind, so I keep thinking the USS Enterprise (with no bloody damned A, B, C, or D) would suddenly appear and strafe the thing.

After a bit of waiting, the thing finally lands on the planet, Krull, and we learn that it’s the Black Fortress and aboard it is The Beast, who leads The Slayers to conquest and pillage. Of course, we have the standard issue prophecy, where man loves woman and blah, blah, blah. You’ve seen a fantasy movie before, you know what this is. Anyway, the good prince is set to marry his lovely princess, but they get attacked by the Slayers (anyone else keep thinking I’m talking about a band?) and after a great battle, the princess is kidnapped, and the prince grievously wounded. The prince is brought back by a Kindly Old Man, who tells him that he must search for The Glaive. (A note: a glaive is polearm weapon, kind of like a spear.)
Off to mountains they go, where the prince reaches his hand in molten lava, and pulls out… some kind of starfish thing? With blades? Huh? I would have called it the Star-Blade or something, but that’s just me. After recovering this ultimate weapon, they run across a wizard who doesn’t seem all that powerful, and is supposed to be a Dwarf. He joins up with them after being scared by a Cyclops, a special effect well done for its time. The Kindly Old Man explains that Cyclops are ‘sad, lonely creatures’ as their race made a deal with The Beast to see the future, but all they can see is the moment of their own deaths. They are then attacked by highwaymen who end up joining the cause because the prince appeals to their sense of honor… I’m just going to let you think about that for a minute… Moving on, they journey about, finding the Emerald Wizard or somesuch, who tries to help them. He can’t see anything about The Beast, as it is too powerful, so they have to go on another journey.

They end up in some dark, evil swamps, and the Emerald Wizard is replaced by a Slayer. With the Emerald Wizard dead, the Kindly Old Man must visit another seer, who kills any who seek her. He enters a cave with a large, very frightening spider. If I had seen this as a kid, I would have flipped out. The special affects for this thing were also awesome for the 80’s, and really make the thing feel real. It turns out the Widow in the Web is an old lover of the Kindly Old Man and had killed his son. Her punishment was to remain in the web. Somehow, the Old Man forgives her. In order to allow his escape, the Widow sacrifices herself. That’s one way to atone for murdering your child, I guess.

With the location of the Black Fortress known, the adventurers set out to fight The Beast and free the princess. They harness flying Clydesdales (not making that up), and fly/ride to the Black Fortress. When they arrive, the highwaymen start dropping like flies, saying ‘It was worth it’ in so many ways, as does the Kindly Old Man. The Cyclops enters and sacrifices himself so the adventurers can enter the Black Fortress. Inside it looks like the place was designed by H.R. Giger, with an alien, organic look. The prince fights The Beast, but loses the Glaive and discovers that with the power of the princess behind him, he can defeat The Beast.

And they lived happily ever after…

Let’s face it, this isn’t an original movie. It’s pretty standard fantasy fare, but it did have some good visuals going for it. I also like the sci-fi touches, which set it apart from many movies of the time. They couldn't quite capture its scope. Unlike Conan (which I do enjoy), I didn’t find myself saying, “Come on, get on with it already!” I must admit, there are some faults with this movie. But, if you can let yourself enjoy a nice fantasy epic, you won’t be disappointed. It’s worth re-watching if you saw it as a kid, or watching for the first time if you've never seen it.

Final Thoughts: This movie was pretty damn good.

It was a GOOD movie.

Coming Soon: Saved!

Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow

Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow

Rating (from metacritic.com): 64/100

Storyline (from IMDB.com):
After New York City receives a series of attacks from giant flying robots, a reporter teams up with a pilot in search of their origin, as well as the reason for the disappearances of famous scientists around the world.

Source: My personal collection

Review:

I love this movie. There, I said it. I saw this movie in theaters and I bought it on DVD. I wish there had been a sequel or something, because this is my kind of movie.

Then I made the mistake of reading the reviews. Most are 3-4 lines, mostly saying it sucked WITH NO EXPLANATION AS TO WHY. If you’re going to write a review, take some time. Dammit people, put some effort into your criticism. I do.

Why is this my kind of movie? It’s a Neo-Pulp movie, meaning it’s trying to recreate the feeling of Pulp works. And it did the job for me.

Let’s start with the plot and background. We have our characters: lady reporter Polly Perkins and Sky Captain, AKA Joe or Joseph, an evil doctor and robots. We know next to nothing about how these characters developed, starting media res as the movie does. Polly learns about a group of scientists that have been vanishing all over the world. Soon after meeting Dr. Vargas, New York City is attacked by giant robots, that begin to tear up generators beneath the streets. It’s during this attack that we get introduced to our title character: Sky Captain. He flies around his P-40, doing his best to destroy the robots without firing a shot. He then flies back to his secluded island base somewhere in upstate New York.

After talking with his friend and super-scientist inventor Dex, Sky Captain goes back to his office, only to be surprised by Polly. It turns out they used to be lovers, until she (maybe) sabotaged his plane, resulting in a prison sentence for Joe. They bicker, Polly finds out there have been robots running around for several years. They go find the next scientist who’s going to die/disappear and then get back to the airfield in time for the next attack.

This is where the movie starts to really show what it can do. You have snappy dialogue, strong visuals and decent special affects. showing characters dodging through city streets, weapons firing, is what the movie was intended to do. After a bit of time, Polly and Joe track the transmission to Nepal. How do they do this? I don’t know; who cares? This is what Pulp is all about. Over-the-top, kick-ass action and awesome (fake) science. Sadly, when the two arrive in Nepal, the movie starts to go down hill. For some reason, the evil doctor has human agents, who somehow end up being hired by Joe’s old friend. Okay…? Then, they try to kill everyone and get away with the things that Polly has been hiding from Joe for a while. After surviving Certain Death in typical Pulp fashion, they end up in Shangri-La, where they find one of the survivors of the Evil Doctor’s uranium mines and get the next lead in the hunt.

Which leads us… well, I don’t exactly know where. Somewhere in the middle of an ocean. I’d imagine it’s the Atlantic, what with an underwater city around the island. There we finally get to see Angelina Jolie’s character. She’s only on screen for 13 minutes, but she does a good job of showing just who Joe would step out on his girl with. She also gives us the main character’s real name. We’re almost to the end of the movie, and we discover that Sky Captain is really Joseph Sullivan. Oddly enough, by then it kinda fits him. Continuing the plot, we get to see more pulp science, with visual sonar, amphibious planes and flying air carriers – which I totally enjoyed, by the way. There are robots under water and a good fight scene before we finally arrive at the ‘Mysterious Uncharted Island.’ I swear, you could feel the capital letters when they arrived. There’s a bit of character development and some running around, where we get glimpses of the Evil Doctor’s island of monsters. Why is he creating monsters when he’s going to leave the earth and take two of every animal? Who cares? They end up inside, find out that not only is the plan to shoot an ark off into space, but that it’s going to destroy the world when it leaves. This is what pulp villains do. They go for the gold in Evil. The rocket is well done, with the egomaniacal touches that make this movie so enjoyable.

In the end, Sky Captain saves the day, and it turns out the Evil Doctor has been dead all along, his robots continuing to carry out his will long after he has passed away. He also seems to have changed his mind---too late to stop what he has put in motion.

Let’s talk about some things that weren’t so good about this movie. It was too far outside the current norm, which can be hard for some people to take. I liked it, but some people just don’t get that the point was to be over-the-top. It wasn’t trying to be quality, edgy, great or mainstream blockbuster. It wanted to capture a bygone era of entertainment history, which most people in my generation just haven’t experienced. It was imaginative but was also harking back to a lot of stuff that has been overdone.

I really tried to suspend my disbelief for this movie, and it wasn't too hard, but there were a few things I just couldn’t get past. For example, Sky Captain plows his plane into the ocean, knowing that his plane can move underwater. However, the airframe isn't designed to handle the stress of a direct impact on the water’s surface, as the robot bird-planes show us when they impact. Speaking of which, it clearly shows them crash into the water, but when we flash back to Sky Captain’s plane, there's no debris behind it. Small thing, mildly annoying. Then we have the whole amphibious plane thing and it does the same thing. Hitting the water at several hundred feet per second would be like hitting an asphalt street at those speeds. There would be carnage.

Major and minor flaws aside, I enjoyed the hell out of this movie. If you haven’t seen it, give it a try. It was what The Phantom and The Shadow tried but failed to be. It was Pulp in look, and in style and it was satisfying Pulp.

Final Thoughts: It you don’t like old movies, you’ll hate this one. If you can’t appreciate what this movie was trying to do, I feel sorry for you.

It was a GOOD movie.

Coming Soon: Krull

And the winner is...

For the few of you who noticed, there was a poll at the bottom of the blog with a choice of three movies for a Halloween movie review. The winner, with all of the votes (a grand total of two. Two votes), is Horrors of War. My thanks to the pair of you who voted, and I'll be sure to curse your names while I subject myself to this terrible production.

As you may notice, there is no review this week. Due to some issues, I wasn't able to watch the movie I planned on reviewing. However, I will watch and review two movies next week.

Stay tuned.

Resident Evil: Afterlife

Resident Evil: Afterlife

Rating (from metacritic.com): 37/100

Storyline (from IMDB.com):
While still out to destroy the evil Umbrella Corporation, Alice joins a group of survivors who want to relocate to the mysterious but supposedly unharmed safe haven known only as Arcadia.

Source: Netflix

Review:

So, we’re on to the 4th, and unfortunately not final, Resident Evil movie. We start some four years after the end of the world, without any real idea of when that happened. I assume it was sometime after the 2nd movie but before the 3rd, based on what we saw in those movies. We see a zombie outbreak in Tokyo, then the ending from the last movie is wrapped up---with a ton of Alice clones assaulting the Umbrella corporate headquarters (which for some reason is in Tokyo; there is a fun little reference to the original name of the game series, Biohazard.) Maybe my memory is faulty, but I got the impression that their HQ was in Europe somewhere. Anyway, the Alices kick ass, and get to Wesker, at which point we see the real Alice get her powers taken away. Yeah, because they really needed to do that. I’m sorry, but that has been the most under-played part of the series. We see her get these superpowers at the end of the 2nd movie, then they're mostly ignored during the 3rd, and we get only one scene with them at the start of the 4th. I agree with Alice, thank the man for getting rid of the powers you never really used. I’m willing to bet she gets re-exposed in the next movie. Oh, you didn’t hear? They’re making a 5th movie, and dear god, I hope it’s the last one, though I doubt it.

Moving on, after Alice gets in another helicopter crash (kind of running theme with the writer, who happened to have directed this one, too), she goes looking for the survivors she ditched to join her in a game of Revenge Society with Umbrella. She finds a very screwed up Claire, another character not wasn’t used effectively, and takes her along. The pair flies down the west coast of the US, looking for survivors. They enter Los Angeles to find it burning - for years and locate a group of survivors in a prison surrounded by the undead. Finally, characters using their heads in a zombie movie! The group in the prison is full of troupes, with all of them fulfilling their roles and dying for no reason. We are introduced to Chris, a character who should have been around for much longer in my opinion. The zombies learn how to burrow, and some learn to swim---even growing face squids. The survivors have to flee their prison when the ‘Axeman’ shows up and destroys the front gates, letting in the zombie hordes. There’s a bunch running around and some cool fights, with the best use of quarters in the post-apocalyptic world. The writer completely misses what would have been a totally awesome scene, with our survivors zipping through the ruins of LA, driving a STRYKER ATTACK VEHICLE! There are no words for the scene I made up while watching them crawl through some dirty hole in the ground. They finally get to Arcadia, which is some ship that’s been picking up survivors. Hey, another group using their heads to survive the end of the world!

Of course, nothing is what is seems and the ship is really a way for Umbrella to collect humans for experiments. Wait, what? Why do you need to keep experimenting on people? There’s no point. There are no governments to buy weapons, you already have a cure for the virus, and it’s a waste of resources. But, it 's a big evil corporation. Pay no attention to logic! Think only of the cool action scenes and the little scraps of homage we give you. Wait, where are you going? Don’t leave! Buy this movie. You know you really like it!

That is exactly how I feel about the series at this point. Meanwhile, there’s another big showdown between Alice and Wesker, where we find out he’s some kind of horrible mutant, the traitor gets his just desserts (again) and they out-smart the bad guy. Then, there’s the ‘Oh shit, Jill’s back! And they’re doing another one!’ moment at the end.

This movie just couldn’t keep me interested. I’m glad I didn’t go see it in theaters because I wouldn’t have liked paying $20 for the ‘experience’ of seeing it on the big screen. I wasn’t surprised to see that The Rule of Cool reigned supreme in this film, but it was way overdone at some points. There’s also Mila ‘I only use weapons in pairs’ Jovovich giving her usual one-note performance. Look at it, except in the first film she carries two of everything: 9mm pistols, stubby MP5s, kukris, katanas, and shotguns. I hadn’t noticed until the opening of the movie that she has two katanas on her back. Those are hand-and-a-half swords. Holding one in each hand is really hard to do and would be awkward as hell.

It was also annoying to see the Hard-Case Alice get weak for a moment, and the formerly weak Claire have to give her a short reminder. I think if the lines had been reversed it would have worked better.

The plot was thin, the action was lacking and the horror was telegraphed well in advance. Characters die and you just didn’t care. The writer didn’t want to deal with some stuff, so he just went ‘nope, not gonna do that’ and teased us with what might have been. They leave a character behind, flashing back to him for no obvious reason. Oh, and the bombs. I forgot about this. Early in the movie, they blow up a bomb in Tokyo, and it looks like it's imploding rather than exploding. It destroys a large amount of area, too. When they use the bomb again and it explodes, it doesn’t have nearly the same range. Sort of like the movie itself.

Final Thoughts: The movie could have done better, but I felt like it didn’t even try.

It was a BAD movie.

Coming Soon: Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow

Resident Evil: Apocalypse

Resident Evil: Apocalypse

Rating (from metacritic.com): 35/100

Storyline (from IMDB.com):
Alice awakes in Raccoon City, only to find it has become infested with zombies and monsters. With the help of Jill Valentine and Carlos Olivera, Alice must find a way out of the city before it is destroyed by a nuclear missile.

Source: My personal collection

Review:
First thing first; I’m a fan of the Resident Evil games. I played the first two and loved them. It was because of them that I really understood why people liked zombies, and helped me catch the zombie bug. So, when I heard there were movies coming out, I had a faint feeling of hope, before I remembered this was coming from Hollywood, who seems to be unable to transfer things to the Big Screen without fucking something up.

Before you get all bent out of shape, I do enjoy some comic book or video game movies. But, I think everyone out there can agree that not all of them are well done. For example, you have Alone In The Dark and the Super Mario Bros. Two movies that had almost nothing to do with the games they shared titles with. And, it took two viewings and my friend explaining that The Hive in the first Resident Evil movie was suppose to be the lab we see in the second game.

If you’re wondering why I’m reviewing this movie instead of the first one, it’s because I only own this one, and don’t really feel the need to watch the first one again. I also plan on watching and reviewing the 4th one, and I would rather swallow a running chainsaw than watch the third one again. My review of the 3rd one would be this: This Movie Sucks. And, since I’m watching the 4th one, I figured I should refresh my memory of the series.

This was, so far, the best movie in the Resident Evil series. It’s the Aliens to the Resident Evil’s Alien, as in an action/horror sequel to a horror movie. It also expands the universe by quite a bit, showing just how big, bad, and nasty Umbrella is… Hmm, very much like Weyland-Yunati corporation in Aliens. To follow this thread a bit, both Alien and Resident Evil have strong female leads, in which she’s the sole survivor (or so it appears), and is the only character to make it into the next movie. In the sequels, the female lead must lead a group to survive a disaster caused by the evil corporation, and they end up saving a little girl. Okay, maybe I stretched it a bit, but there are quite a few parallels between the two franchises, including having the third movie that almost killed the franchise…

Okay, okay, let’s do a real review now. The movie picks up shortly after the first one, we don’t know how long, but I guess it’s less than a year. We see The Hive being reopened and things going to merry hell in a handbag. We see that in less than a day, the infection has spread to critical levels. How does this happen? I have no idea, they don’t give us anything to go on. Somehow, Umbrella manages to put up a wall around the city, without any explanation about how they did it, or how they got the approval to do so. Then, they seal the city and everyone inside is left to die. Okay… That’s kinda… Not possible, but it’s a video game movie, so I let it slide the first time I saw it. The really good parts are when Jill and Carlos get introduced, making the people who played the games cheer. I thought Jill was well played, but her character is overshadowed by Alice, played by Mila Jovovich. And, Mila Jovovich is in ‘warrior woman’ form, driving this movie. It’s not Resident Evil anymore; it’s Alice in Resident Evil land. We get the over-the-top video game plot, with Alice having to face-off against Nemesis, the Big Bad Evil Corporate Guy who pulls all the strings and gets his just desserts in the end, and the characters that exist only to die. It’s a zombie movie; we expect a high death toll.

But, there are some good things. The STARS team is well done, even if they don’t live long. I would love to see maybe a short film about how they got from the bridge to the theatre. LJ brought some much needed ‘normal guy in bad situation’ to the cast along with, yes, the comic relief. I really enjoyed the zombies, they felt real, acted ‘real’ and the make-up was well done. They pull this movie up. Two scenes that made this for me was the ‘stairwell’ scene (during Carlos’ introduction) and the ‘last stand’ scene, where the surviving police and Umbrella teams fight to the last man. The stairwell really made you think about what it would be like to be in that situation, being chased by friends and coworkers, fleeing for your life, praying you’ll make it, then the continuing to struggle, even after you’ve been bitten. The last stand showed how we hope law enforcement would act, if it the scene didn’t make a lot of sense. You’d think they would pick a better spot to hold them off, but who knows why they picked that spot. Maybe the remaining civilians had holed up nearby or maybe there was a building full of puppies. Cute, adorable puppies. One other thing was, much like The Walking Dead TV show, they look very generic. No ‘cheerleader zombie.’ No ‘office drone zombie.’ No ‘nerd zombie.’ They all look like normal people that have risen from the dead to consume the flesh of the living. Sure, there’s some kid zombies (which I hate, and I despise baby zombies), and a pair of stripper zombies, these are the exception rather than the rule in the film. The kid zombies were absolutely terrifying, so I’m okay with that. The action scenes are also well done, really making the movie pop. And, the horror follows well with the action, making this a decent action/horror movie, fitting with the action/horror feeling of the game. They also did a good job of making it feel like Raccoon City is a real city; the small touches, like RPD on the uniforms and cop cars, and signs referencing locations from the game. They also showed how pervasive Umbrella is in the city, but it was over done when they put the Umbrella logo on the backs of the bullets in the church scene. (Umbrella is a biologics company, not an ammunition manufacturer.) I will admit they also showed how powerful Umbrella was throughout the film, if it was a bit unrealistic, but it’s a video game movie.

There were a few things that just threw me out of the movie. To start with, we have the ‘graveyard’ scene, where the dead and buried are somehow brought back by the T-virus. No, just no. I’ll accept a virus bringing people back from the dead, provided the people were infected while they’re alive. It may not be good science, but its science. Bringing the dead back to life, when they’ve been dead for a long time, and embalmed, is complete bullshit. It just doesn’t jive with how a virus works, even a pseudo-science one like the T-virus.
Then we have the Umbrella Corporation. I’ll accept a company working on bio-weapons. It’s not realistic; however, with the military-industrial complex beginning to have the weird mix of company and government, I could see a company get involved in bio-weapons. But, companies do not get access to nuclear weapons. Companies do not get the right to seal off a city. And, there’s no way in hell a company is going to get people to believe a video is a fake. I could see the company having elements in the government that are willing to do things for them, but the movie makes it seem like it’s all them. And, it just doesn’t suspend my disbelief.
The ending also just dragged on and on. After watching the very forced battle between Alice and Nemesis, I was ready for the movie to end, and I think the writers were, too. But, then they had to cram the helicopter crash in, and set up for a sequel. Okay, cool. Then, if feels like someone at the studio said ‘no, you need to keep up the whole thing about how powerful Umbrella is thing’ and we have to sit through a bunch of fake news reports. This movie was done as soon as the bomb went off, why did we have to sit through so much extra bullshit? And, someone please explain to me how Alice gets mind popping powers, because that was just lame. (So, so lame.) If you can kill a man with the power of your mind, how the hell can you be controlled or monitored by a computer? I just don’t get it.

Final Thoughts: A good sequel. A decent video game movie. A decent action/horror movie. Not, however, a good movie. Just an enjoyable one at most.

It was a BAD movie.

Coming Soon: Resident Evil: Afterlife

(If you scroll down to the bottom of the page, you'll see a poll to see what terrible movie I review for Halloween. Vote for your favorite!)

Repo! The Genetic Opera

Repo! The Genetic Opera

Rating (from metacritic.com): 32/100

Storyline (from IMDB.com):
In the year 2056 - the not so distant future - an epidemic of organ failures devastates the planet. Out of the tragedy, a savior emerges: GeneCo, a biotech company that offers organ transplants, for a price. Those who miss their payments are scheduled for repossession and hunted by villainous Repo Men. In a world where surgery addicts are hooked on painkilling drugs and murder is sanctioned by law, a sheltered young girl searches for the cure to her own rare disease as well as information about her family's mysterious history. After being sucked into the haunting world of GeneCo, she is unable to turn back, as all of her questions will be answered at the wildly anticipated spectacular event: The Genetic Opera.
Written by Lionsgate

Source: Netflix

Review:
Welcome to my humble review of Repo! The Genetic Opera. Now, in case you weren’t aware, Repo is in fact a rock opera, something I have never experienced before. Hell, I haven’t even seen a normal opera, so this was quite the education. I like musicals, so I was able to keep up with the movie, but to see an opera, where almost every line is sung was totally different. I have to say, I’m not sure if I’m a fan.

I was told about this movie by some friends who had really enjoyed it. They said that it was better than it looked and was worth a shot. When I made my Netflix account earlier this year, (yes, I know I’m behind the times) I added it to my queue. Time passed and it finally arrived in my mailbox. I have vague memories of seeing ads for it when it was out, and read a review in a local paper, but I remembered next to nothing about it. I was a clean slate. Which is the perfect state to view a movie like this. From what I gathered, it was an experiment. Did it succeed? Let’s find out.

Starting with the opening; done in a comic book style, it really sets the stage for our trip to the world of Repo! Over the top, exaggerated, and outlandish. Yeah, this is going to be fun. Once the background is done, we start to see what this world really looks like. I have to say, I enjoyed the outfits, the pure grandiose Techno-Goth look. The sets also give you a sense of a world left to rot, outside the ivory towers of GeneCo. Inside GeneCo, however, we find a dark, sterile world where nothing seems to be affected by age. I liked seeing this, showing that the haves and have-nots lived totally different lives. It felt very cyberpunk, which I’m a fan of. However, the movie was a bit of a gore-fest and about ten minutes in, we see a hole in a wall made by ramming a corpse into it (before you start to think about it, no that can’t work), and we piles upon piles of bodies. While not very squeamish, this started my guts rolling. Minutes earlier, we saw a woman get her heart removed in a graphic fashion, so I took a bit of a break then came back to the movie.

As the movie moves on, we see more gore, and pointless death. Mind you, I’m not complaining, but I’m not a fan of horror or gore and our director had just come off from doing Saw 3, so I guess he was still in that mindset. I think it was the singing combined with gruesome death that jarred me, much like my reaction to Sweeny Todd. Unlike most horror movies, the deaths weren’t completely pointless. It very powerfully showed just how little life was valued in this dystopian future, where you can have your organs repossessed.

I do have to comment that the actors did a very good job in presenting their characters. However, their job was made much easier because very few of the characters had depth or were more complex than a jar of mayonnaise. To start with, we have the Largo family; a super rich and powerful family, led by a powerful man. Paul Sorvino nails this part, but this character is something seen in most fiction. To play the cliché all the way into the grave, we have his children who have worked for nothing and have free rein to be crazy. The oldest is a violent psychopath, the other brother a vain, psychotic man and the daughter is an attention whore who gets whatever she wants. The fact that she’s played by Paris Hilton only added to the fit of giggles I had when I saw her for the first time. However, I must say she did a good job, and her performance did add to the film. With a wig and makeup, I didn’t realize it was her for a good amount of time. The real lead, Shilo, played by Alexa Vega was again done fairly well, but how hard is it to play the ‘girl trapped in the tower/castle/laboratory’? I was surprised to see Anthony Stewart Head as Dr. Wallace, but he did a good job. He really had two characters: Dr. Wallace and Mr. Repo Man, which I noticed right away, but he showed with his voice, face and whole body how the loving father of Nathan could become the butcher Repo Man, who seemed to enjoy his work. I’m not knocking the actors, they did an amazing job, but the script left a bit to be desired.

I’ve seen some people complain about the music, but I feel this is where the movie was the best. The songs were very well done, and advanced the story without being too annoying or repetitive. I keep finding myself humming Paris Hilton’s parts of Grave Robber, and I don’t know why. If you want to do a musical or an opera, you have to start with the music, and the creators really did. While I wouldn’t buy this movie, I am thinking about picking up the soundtrack.

There were quite a few things that I just caught myself thinking about, because they didn’t make sense to me. For example, the company sells the organs, right? And, they want to make their money, right? So, why kill people who can’t pay up? Ask your friendly neighborhood loan shark, and he’ll tell you this basic principle of the business: dead people don’t pay. If someone doesn’t pay, you might mess up his face, so he remembers what he owes. Some groups, like the Russians, will kill members of your family to get you to pay. Only after it looks like it’s going to cost them more to get the money from you than you owe, will they kill you. If they’re being logical, and organized crime isn’t exactly the most logical profession, but still. I think if I were in charge of GeneCo, and heaven help you all should I ever get that powerful, I’d have slave labor camps where you ‘work off’ what you owe. Free labor is better than a dead body, in my book. If they said something about being able to harvest and use the other organs, or something, anything, I wouldn’t have had an issue. As a plot device, it was very effective in showing how cheap life was, and turned up the gore factor, but it just didn’t do anything else for me.

One of the other things that bothered me was the painkiller they talk about, Zydrate. In the beginning of the film, they touch on it briefly, talking about how people are addicted and how the ‘street’ version is made from the dead. Well now, this sounds like a subplot I can get behind. You like that idea, huh? Were you like me, thinking that both the legal and street versions were made from the dead? Or, maybe from the fake organs GeneCo makes? If you were like me, you were disappointed when they totally skipped this plot. It was like a tooth that’s about to fall out, and you can’t stop running your tongue over it, making it hurt and thinking about what the Tooth Fairy will give you when it finally drops. You keep thinking about, hoping they’ll talk about it whenever it comes up, but no. Add to this that one of the characters ‘makes’ it by shoving a needle up a corpse’s nose and extracts some glowing blue liquid. That’s it. My knowledge of medical science may not be the best, but there’s something fishy about this. I would think that it’d be common knowledge that if you shove a needle up a nose of a dead guy, you get magical blue Heroin. Come on people, at least give me a reason for this. I don’t care if it’s some bullshit reason like ‘oh, it never really leaves your system when they inject you with it.’ It may be stupid, but sometimes something stupid is better than nothing.

The last thing that started to bug me was the plastic surgery as fashion. Don’t get me wrong, it’s happening now, so I can only imagine how bad it would get in this fucked up future. The issue is a small one, why is GeneCo doing plastic surgery? Don’t they sell organs? I get things like eyes being fashionable, but the rest just doesn’t jive. Add to that the fact that the writers don’t seem to understand the difference between genes and plastic surgery, just makes me annoyed.

In the end, we got an experiment. A rock opera for horror and metal fans, trying to appeal to other nerds. They wanted to be the next Rocky Horror. And they failed. I feel like it tried too hard to be too many things, losing its focus and didn’t seem to care about ‘minor details.’ That said, however, I would watch it again. It was a bad movie, but I could still enjoy the music. If you have a friend with a copy, have them loan it to you.

Final Thoughts: It just tried too hard. I would have read the hell out of a comic of this, however.

It was a BAD movie.

An introduction.

Hello and welcome to Good, Bad, and Ugly Movie Reviews! I'm your host, Captain Pete! In this blog, I'll be talking about movies I watch. Some will be from my personal collection, some rentals and others from friends. Don't expect reviews of new, recent movies, because I don't go to the theater often. The ratings I give movies is totally my personal opinion, and you may see me say a terrible movie as something to watch. Don't like it? Tough cookies, start your own blog! The point of this for me is to talk about the movies I want to see (and maybe a few I don't).

Movies will be sorted in to three broad categories:

Good - These are the movies you should be watching. I'll try to explain exactly why I enjoyed the movie so much, without being a total fanboy about it.

Bad - These movies aren't good movies. They're the ones that just can't make the mark of a well made movie.

Ugly - These are terrible, terrible movies. Avoid them at all costs.

I may also add a plus (+) or minus (-) to the end of a rating, because the movie was on the cusp of being in a different category. Maybe, for all it's flaws, something in the movie was enjoyable, or maybe there was something that just soured the movie for me. For example, McHale's Navy is a Bad+ movie. Yes, it's bad. A Tom Arnold vehicle, it should have died when the script was written. Yes, it's a remake of a TV show that no one in my generation saw. But, it's got a few really good things going for it. Tim Curry and other members of the supporting cast really have fun with their roles and get in some good jokes. That still doesn't make it a good movie.

Not matter what rating I give a movie (except for maybe Ugly), try the movie yourself. Maybe I got it wrong. Maybe you disagree with me. Maybe, it's worth a second chance.

My goal is to show people movies that I think should be given a chance, no matter how terrible. Okay, maybe not all of them. I want to show you what I like and why I like it, and what I hated and why I hated it. I also hope to break type and watch some movies that I normally wouldn't and see if there's something worth seeing.

Hope you join me on my adventure.